They ended up breaking my water to speed up the process. I was high on gas at the time I turned to my husband and whispered: "I think I just peed myself". Laughter and the midwife was reassuring that it was just my water breaking. The pains got worse after that, and I was exhausted. I was still hoping in and out of the bathtub, but this time, there was a feeling the urge to push. I was told not to push yet because I hadn't dilated enough. I felt like I was dying. Biting into a rubbery object the midwife gave me, still squeezing the life out of my husband's hands, I desperately asked for the epidural. I desperately wanted it. By about 11:45 am they checked to see that I was 8cm. I got back into the tub but not before grabbing a hug from my husband.
By noon the pressure to push was so intense I couldn't help it.
With my husband supporting me from the back, holding me above the water, my two midwives at my sides guiding me through the breathing and pushing and my dearest mother in law standing by filming the whole process from a birds-eye view – which by the way I am so thankful for. I remember while pushing I saw little black things in the tub, and I asked with a cloudy head, "is that poo?". The midwife was quick to scoop it out and flush it away before she said "nope". When it was time to do big pushes, I asked how many pushes will I have to do? "20" Chloe replies. I was so in my zone and determined to get this over and done with; my head was so clear. I remember it being like a task.
The first big push and I could feel the head down there but was told to stop pushing, to breathe and let my vagina stretch. The second push, the head was halfway out, and she told me to do little pushes which I did. I remember at the time, my mother in law was saying "it's coming it's coming", and the midwife in a loud voice for me to hear "Tuaine, Tuaine small pushes like oomph, just let it stretch and let the baby come out on its own".
The head was out, and it burned like hell! Within seconds of the head being out, I had the urge to push AGAIN! "I need to push!!!!" I said in pain. "Do you have a contraction? Ok push, this is it Tuaine, this is your baby", Chloe calmly says - meanwhile I'm getting emotional overwriting that part. She came out, and I grabbed her with the help of Chloe. "What is it?" Chloe holds her up for us to see "It's a girl", my husband and I cried with tears in our eyes and hearts so full. She didn't make a sound but stared around. I had finally done it, and I let out an emotional cry while holding her in my arms.
My husband cut the umbilical cord, which I really wanted him to do. Then they took her out of the tub while they continued to get the placenta out. It was at that moment when I heard her cry for the first time that I felt something different and strong for this person who was crying – I think it was unconditional love.
Five hours later, we were ready and dressed to head home with our new baby girl who we named Aaliyah. As we walked out of those heavenly doors for the last time, I said: "That was fun, let's do it again". I think it was the adrenaline talking.