In 2021, I gave birth to my first daughter. The pregnancy was going well, but it was classed as high risk since I have PCOS. At 35 weeks, it was discovered that I had elevated stomach bile levels which meant I had Cholestasis of pregnancy. A condition which, for unknown reasons, can cause stillbirths if the babies are carried later than 38 weeks. So, at 37, I was admitted and induced.
My waters were broken at 6:30 am, and I spent most of the day in active labour, but I had not progressed in dilation. I threw up multiple times, felt exhausted and around 3 pm, I was only 2cm dilated. Then my daughter's heart rate dropped, and we were rushed into an emergency c-section. By then, I was well and truly drained. The tremors had started once I was wheeled in, and as soon as I was cut open, my daughter decided to turn breach. They pushed on my stomach, turned her around and pulled her out. She was born with bruises across one side of her face, ear, head, and shoulder. I didn't have the energy to hold her, to open my eyes or talk. I spent the next four days in and out of consciousness because the pain medication was so strong I was falling asleep holding her. I hoped that the next time would be better.
In 2022, I found out I was pregnant after trying for nearly seven months. I had a hunch and decided to buy a pregnancy test. Much to my partner's denial, as he didn't think we were pregnant. I may be a bit trigger-happy, so to speak, when wanting to test, as I think we all are. He was napping when the second line lit up the stick. I couldn't contain my shock and excitement as I ran into him and shoved the test in his face, and said, "I'm pregnant!". Then once the excitement wore off, I had a cry. It wasn't going to be just our daughter anymore. Our family was growing. Over the next few months, our little one continued to grow, and soon we found out it was another girl. We were so excited, we had lists of names all ready to go, but there was a worry at the back of our heads. I was too aware of my body and any symptoms I could have of getting Cholestasis again. When we reached 36 weeks, it was decided we couldn't risk it going to full term in case I developed Cholestasis in the last few weeks. At 37 weeks, I had a steroid shot on Monday, one on Tuesday, and a caesarean on Wednesday. I knew this time around was going to be so different. I was more aware; I could take everything in and know what was happening. I was able to get my caesarean filmed and witness my daughter being born. What I wasn't expecting was the flood of emotions that came over me. When I saw her and heard her first cry, it was overwhelming. My eyes watered at the full feeling of love and amazement at how amazing giving birth is, no matter which way. I continue to watch Reign's birth video over and over, seeing the precious moment of her being born and my partner's love for both of us.
